Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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