When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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