Banned from zoo.
Again?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
