No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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