seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
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