He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
