I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
