i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
