I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
