I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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