either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
