we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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