So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
