i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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