White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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