can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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