my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
