Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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