You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
