Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Holy sore nipples Batman
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
