they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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