I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
