I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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