Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
