I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
