Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
