I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
