I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
