last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
