ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
