my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
