I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
