I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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