Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
