I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You're like the curious george of whores
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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