glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
