Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
