dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
