You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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