you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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