i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
