she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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