My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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