Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
