2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
