A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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