We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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