His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Text me some of your sweat
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
