Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
