dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
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