i permit you to call me
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
