I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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