There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
