and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
