Have you finally orgasmed yet?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
